Sailing Out to Find My Why - and Why You Should Too
While doing my career planning for this year, with a stack of documents on my desk, I came across an old photo of my year 12 graduation. Long black hair, with the dark-blue blazer that was always too big for my body, a nervous smile in front of the whole school audience, it was the night I received the Dux of College Award for 2018.
It was a memorable night, with teachers & friends happily cheering for me as I stood there on the stage, my proud aunty & uncle busily taking photos and videos to send to my parents in Vietnam who certainly would also be very proud. But the thing that was memorable the most about the night was not the celebration itself.
It was my first realization of what I believed would be the most important discovery in my life. The realization that I was lost.
Very lost.
I did not have a single doubt (or at least I tried to pretend that I did not). The hustle and grind worked, it gave me the feeling of success and recognition that I wanted, and it felt like I was strong enough to pay the wage of time in return.
And during that night, scattering my eyes around the room at my friends, teachers, families, and the strangely-hollow trophy that had my name plated on top, I got a first glimpse of what I have lost in exchange for this so-called success, a precious thing that I will never have the chance to take back.
“Is that leisure time?”, you might ask. No! I fully understand that success and hard work are inseparable. Magic never happened at the outskirts, they only happened at the extremes.
“Is that because you realized wanting to achieve the highest degree of excellence as possible is not the key to a ‘happy’ life then?”. No! I believed we should not strive for a ‘happy’ life, but rather, a meaningful one. A life with no mediocrity but significance, with no fear but extraordinary impacts - only then we can attain lasting happiness.
“So what did you lose then? Did you already achieve what you always wanted - success?”
The answer was I achieved only the society’s definition of success, not my definition of success.
By chasing only excellence and recognition without ever stopping to ask why I was doing it, I was chasing what others expected of me, and lost the chance to find what success really meant to myself.
I lost the chance to really discover and create myself. To ask myself: “Is this really what I truly want? Is striving for excellence and recognition the only thing I wanted?...”
“What is my WHY? What is my true purpose in life?”
Like a driverless boat that was only assigned a single direction to sail, I sailed with full speed to that seemingly-wonderful destination on the map, to only reach there and realized that it is not where I wanted to go. I reached “my destination”, but now, ironically, I was truly lost.
It would be really great if I could tell you that after that night, I took a 360-degree turn on my approach and that my life was completely changed. But in reality, I was not. I denied it (both on a conscious and subconscious level now that I reflected back), and decided to enter Engineering, with the vague thought that it would bring me what I want - recognition and wealth as long as I work hard for it. And during those first almost 3 years of university, with books again stacked in my hands and mind aimed straight for those High Distinction grades (which I managed to achieve during the first 2 years), I was lost. I was totally lost.
The knowledge itself was exciting, the feeling of getting those 90% and 100% was exciting too, but those were only there for a moment and quickly died down, and then soon I was again left in this dark space of feeling lost. I felt like I was running out of air, everything was strangely boring, no matter what achievements I achieved. Then just like a boat ran out of fuel, my performance slowly went down and the feelings of achievement are no longer there to satisfy me.
And it is when I decided, I am going to stop my boat. I am going to create my own map, start a new trajectory and sail out to the sea to FIND MY WHY. My BIG WHY. It is scary at first to sail away from the safe harbour, but it never feels more liberated than that. I am coming back to the start, but the RIGHT start, and I am ready to sail.
In the book “Constructing Your Career” written by my beloved mentor and exceptional construction leader Elinor Moshe, there is this quote:
“If you don’t know who you truly are, you will never know what you truly want.”
-Roy T. Bennett
Just like a boat, despite how strong its engine is, can never reach its true destination if it was given the wrong direction at the start. Can we ever reach our true destination if we don’t know our true WHY first in life?
For me, it is a clear NO. That’s why I am sailing out to find my Why in the Construction & Engineering industry. To find who I am truly meant to be and what impact I would like to contribute to this beautiful industry that I am so grateful to be in.
For you, the answer might be No or Yes depending on where you are in your life. And it is okay. But just like with everything in life, I would love it if you could give it a thought first before pushing it aside, to really look deep into it, challenge it and be comfortable with where it takes you.
And if you reach a Yes, ask yourself:
What is my WHY?
What does success mean to me? Not to my family, my friends, my co-workers, but me?
What do I want the world to remember me for, even years after my lifetime?
Life is a question and how we live is the answer.
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Life is a question and how we live is the answer. 〰️
I hope you found the courage to find your answer and live a truly meaningful, grateful, and regretless life!
From Michelle with love.
Michelle is an aspiring construction leader passionate about the power of construction and engineering innovation in revolutionizing the landscape of our future.
As an ambitious young leader currently studying Bachelor of Civil Engineering (Honours), Michelle actively strives to contribute to the industry while still in university through her campus leadership in Swinburne Student Engineering Society, Women in STEM Club to STEM Sisters, with hope to empower the construction and engineering leaders of tomorrow.
She aspires to become an impactful construction professional that will deliver exemplary projects for clients with a strong emphasis on integrity and meaningful collaboration.